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Dear ,
Years ago, I read "How to Win Friends and Influence People," by Dale Carnegie.
It's a classic sort of self-help book back when no one knew what the heck self-help meant (people are still trying to figure out what it means).
Great book... its principles still apply today... I recommend you read it.
Anyhoo, one of the things Carnegie says that really resonated with me is the following (I'm paraphrasing, poorly I'm sure):
When you're in a situation where you need to be persuasive... or... if a matter is about to be confrontational and may escalate, avoid this one word:
Instead, substitute it with...
Why? What's that all about?
(It actually makes perfect sense when you really think about it.)
People tend to use the word "but" when they're in an argument, replying to an opposing viewpoint, defending themselves or disagreeing with someone or a position (think about it for a second, I'm sure you'll agree).
The result is, we have a knee-jerk, almost visceral, reaction to it and immediately get defensive and put up walls because we know something that contradicts what we said is about to follow.
Good luck with being persuasive after that!
However...
If you reply rebut by starting the sentence with "And," the listener will have a much softer reaction to your counterpoint. At the very least, they'll be more willing to listen to your viewpoint because it doesn't immediately come across like nails on a chalkboard.
Make sense?
So, avoid, "But that's not what I said! I said (such and such...).
Instead, use: "And that's not what I said... I said (such and such...).
I promise you it helps. It may seem subtle (and it is), but it makes a big difference.
Try it out and let me know how it goes.
P.S. We're down to only 8 spots left in the prestigious FOUNDING 50 group. Can you believe how quickly these spots got gobbled up? If you don't want to be left out, go here then join: https://copticchamber.com/founding-50/.
Tomorrow may be too late at the rate things are going
Until next time...
If you have any comments, ideas or suggestions, please email me at: nader@copticchamber.com.
Your friend,
Nader
Founder of the Coptic Chamber
